My parent was just diagnosed with dementia.
You don’t need to make every decision this week. You do need to make a few, and you need to make them in the right order.
Common questions
My parent was just diagnosed with dementia. What do I do first?
In the first week, three things matter most: understand the type and stage of dementia (ask the diagnosing physician to walk you through the assessment results), review all current medications with the doctor for any that may be worsening cognitive symptoms, and get legal documents in place — a Durable Power of Attorney and Health Care Proxy — while your parent still has capacity to sign them. The legal window closes faster than most families expect.
What is the difference between dementia and Alzheimer’s disease?
Alzheimer’s disease is one type of dementia — the most common, accounting for roughly 60–80% of cases. Dementia is the broader term for a group of symptoms (memory loss, confusion, impaired judgment, difficulty with daily tasks) caused by various underlying conditions. Other common types include vascular dementia, Lewy body dementia, and frontotemporal dementia. The type matters because the progression pattern and some aspects of care differ.
What legal documents should we get in place right after a dementia diagnosis?
The most urgent: a Durable Power of Attorney (authorizing someone to manage finances) and a Health Care Proxy (authorizing someone to make medical decisions). A Living Will or Advance Directive documents your parent’s specific wishes for end-of-life care while they can still express them. All three need to be signed while your parent retains legal capacity — an elder-law attorney can assess capacity and move quickly.
How fast does dementia progress?
Progression varies significantly by type, individual health, and other factors — Alzheimer’s typically progresses over 8–10 years from diagnosis, though this range is wide. More useful than a timeline is tracking functional milestones: when daily activities become difficult, when medication management becomes unsafe, when driving is no longer appropriate. Focus on what your parent can do today, and plan one step ahead of where they are now.
How do I talk to my parent about their dementia diagnosis?
Be direct and calm — using the word “dementia” or “Alzheimer’s” is kinder than vague language that leaves your parent confused about what’s happening. Lead with what you’re going to do together, not just what’s changing: “We now know what’s causing the memory changes, and here’s what we’re going to do.” Many people feel relief at having a name for what they’ve been experiencing. Give your parent time to absorb it before pushing toward next steps.
A dementia diagnosis lands the same way in most families: a flood of information, a dozen “you should” suggestions from well-meaning friends, and a feeling that every decision has to happen immediately. It does not. Almost every important decision about dementia care is better made calmly, in the right order, than quickly.
The first thing to understand is what the diagnosis actually means. “Dementia” is not a single disease. It’s an umbrella term for a decline in cognitive function serious enough to interfere with daily life. Alzheimer’s is one type. Vascular dementia, Lewy body dementia, and frontotemporal dementia are others. The trajectory, the treatment options, and the caregiving implications are meaningfully different across them. Before anyone makes a long-term plan, you want to know which type you’re dealing with, how it’s likely to progress, and how fast.
The second thing to understand is the window. There is usually a period — sometimes months, sometimes years — during which your parent can still participate meaningfully in decisions about their own future. That window closes. Families who use it get to honor their parent’s wishes. Families who don’t end up making big decisions without them, under pressure, on their parent’s behalf. Everything else in this list follows from that simple reality.
Use the window to get the legal framework in place — health care proxy, durable power of attorney, living will, and last will and testament. Ron calls these the Core Four. Every adult needs them; people with a recent dementia diagnosis need them now.
Use the window to have the conversation about where and how your parent wants to live as the disease progresses — home, with help, with family, in a memory-care community. Write down what they tell you. You will rely on those notes in a year.
Use the window to learn the disease. Not everything, not tonight — but enough to stop being surprised. The Alzheimer’s Association has a free, excellent family-education track. It is the single best early investment of your time.
And use the window to take care of yourself. Dementia caregiving is a marathon that tends to run longer than families expect. The caregiver who paces themselves from the first month lasts. The caregiver who treats every setback as a crisis burns out before they’re needed most.
- Get clarity from the doctor on which type of dementia was diagnosed and what the expected trajectory looks like.
- Complete the four core legal documents — health care proxy, power of attorney, living will, and will — while your parent can still sign.
- Have one honest conversation about long-term living preferences and write down what they say.
- Start Alzheimer’s Association family education (or the equivalent for their specific diagnosis). Don’t wait.
- Build your own support now — a friend, a therapist, a support group — before the hard days arrive.
Free chapter: “Caring for the Caregiver” from Ron’s book, The CareGiving Navigator
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— the part most people skip, and shouldn’t.